Comics on the Can: Money Shot! #7

GameStop, Inc.

COMICS ON THE CAN

MONEY SHOT

ISSUE #7

 

Word Stuff – Tim Seeley & Sarah Beattie

Art Stuff – Rebekah Isaacs

Color Stuff – Kurt Michael Russell

Letter Stuff – Crank

Butt Stuff – Rocco Siffredi

 

 Ok, I’m all set to do a new issue of Adult Continuity here. Lesse, I got my notepad and I’ve fired up the PS3 (which is basically just for porn viewing nowadays). What is it this time? Some space adventure thing with centaur women and a multi-culti group of humans. I can’t wait for the woman painted green to show up, because there is always a woman painted green in this kind of stuff.

 Ok, where is the blu ray?

 Where is the TV?

 Why am I sitting on the toilet?

 Isn’t this my column where I review porn parodies of geek culture staples like zombies, science fiction movies and comic books?

 No! It’s my column where I read a comic book on the potty and make obvious poop jokes!

 So this time it’s a flip and I’m reading a comic that parodies porn?!?!? Ok, but just for the record I’m uneasy with this paradigm shift. 

 I’m not sure how or why I thought I was going to watch adult entertainment in the bathroom but I better break out the steam cleaner for the man cave couch just in case!

 

 If you hadn’t noticed this has been a shitty year. A dire plague has burned like wild-fire across human civilization. A polarized nation, lorded over by an incompetent wanna be fascist, teeters on the brink of civil war. Human culture and society was diminished by the loss of brilliant talents such as Eddie Van Halen, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Chadwick Boseman and Alex Trebek. One day, hopefully we’ll all look back on this time and after breathing a sigh of relief, possibly, have a good laugh over it.

 But not anytime soon.

 Or maybe sooner than expected as far as Seeley and Beattie are concerned. Money Shot occupies a weird zone that a few comics like “Preacher” and “Sandman” reside in. That being a concept so oddball, personal and unique that comics is really the only place it could take root.

 Not to say that “Money Shot” is destined to be a defining touchstone for a subculture, like Sandman. But it’s weird enough that the medium of comics is the only place an idea like this could be reasonably explored (at first at least).

 The concept is this: Aliens have contacted earth and initially offered us to join the other races out in space. Till we fuck it up by being ignorant, belligerent, pushy, assholes. AKA: MAGAts. The aliens, smartly, choose to ditch us figuring we’ll wipe ourselves out sooner than later. 

 Enter physicist Christine Ocompa who has working Stargate tech but can’t fund her scientific research. Money is tight for any type of science. Why? Well there is an administration that is stoking the fires of anti-science sentiment in the general populace. People would much rather be ignorant and keep their narrow perspective than see beyond their own myopic worldview. Especially when things like “Science” and “Facts” threaten to invalidate such views. I, personally, have no idea where the writers got this outrageous idea.

 Squeezed for money Christine comes up with a unique idea on how to fund the “Slingshot” space exploration project. Ocompa gets some fellow scientists in different disciplines together. The fellow scientists cover a broad spectrum of research and hotness. The plan to record their explorations… and have sex with aliens and each other  for a porn tube site! Because, along with gravity and the speed of light, horniness is a universal constant.

Now you might not have a head slapping “Why didn’t I think of that!” moment from the synopsis. But the potential for a fun mix of adventure, satire and dick jokes must seem obvious.

 The first story arc tapped dat “adventure” ass pretty hard with some after play of sex based jokes. It was fun but I was most looking forward to the satire element which was in short supply.

 Issue #7 starts a new story arc and with the inclusion of President Luke Kirk as a character you can hear the satirical knives being sharpened!

 This story opens with the first contact event and President Kirk practicing “The art of the deal” very poorly. The counselor from the alien alliance known as “The Convalence” withdraws the invite for the human race to join. Leaving an unsatisfied scientific community to take care of itself. She also bug zaps President Kirk for good measure leaving him with a good deal of metaphorical biomass on his face (I was thinking egg, I don’t know where your gutter minds are).

 Cut to “Now” and there are protesters outside the Money Shot facility. They are still pissed about what the dirty aliens did to “Their” president and cherry picking bible quotes like Leviticus 18:23. This scene paints the bulk of Americans as ignorant reactionaries obsessed with a bronze age book that has been handled by more people than Annabel Chong. People willing to sacrifice common sense and self preservation to a cult of personality.

 Once again, I have no idea where the writers get their ideas.

 The XXX-Plorers are amused by all the negative attention and discuss the next planet to go to. Choosing an enlightened planet with advanced energy tech, much needed for the Money Shot device, a scientific based society and a population that all seems to be into Steampunk cosplay.

 Before they can go, though, President Kirk makes a dramatic entrance intending to shut the “Money Shot” project down. In the midst of trying to convince him otherwise one of the team members keeps getting a cell call. Which is awkward enough but morso because his ringtone is the sound of Kirk getting zapped from the first contact event.

 This irritates Kirk so much that he decides to join the XXX-plorers to the cosplay planet waving an American flag, flipping the bird, and threatening to “show those dirty alien fuckers!” A toxic narcissist in a position of power doing a petty, spiteful act to sooth his fragile ego.

 Once again; I have no idea where the writers get their ideas from.

 Hallelujah, Money Shot is finally hitting its stride! The comic is reaching a nice potential here. Finally figuring out how to get that three-way of humor, action and character to achieve a satisfying experience. Bringing Kirk into the cast, if even for a one arc stand, tosses the LTR of subtlety in favor of a satirical fling but this is a book where scientists use a stargate for double penetration, subtlety was never really a concern.

 There is character work, and really good work at that. Ocompa as leader is developing nice depth to her character. And her relations with the fellow XXX-Plorers grows with their fleshing out too.

 There are plot points being laid out for future stories. Bode, the centaur woman who had made first contact, proves to be a bureaucrat at heart. In issue #6 she casually considers exterminating earth because of the Money Shot device but reconsiders knowing that Kirk is driving the whole thing over a cliff anyway. That and other little hints suggest that the alien collective she works for might not be as altruistic as they present themselves.

 Isaacs and Russell double team the fuck outta this book. The art is a canny blend of sexy, comedic and expressive; critical elements if this oddball series is going to work. The panels enhance the comedic timing of the script, a often overlooked skill, because you only notice it when it’s not working. Russell’s colors hit the emotional tones of each scene, whether it needs to be emulation, confrontation or fornication. All in all “Money Shot” is a great looking book. It has always been. Now I’m loving this book for more than just its looks.

 Funny, sexy and with a new confidence “Money Shot” looks to transition from FWB to LTR. I guess it’s gonna have to meet my friends and family, now.

 

THINGS THAT ARE TANGENTIALLY CONNECTED TO THE MAIN COLUMN BUT I COULDN’T WORK IN ORGANICALLY…

 

 In case you were wondering, Money Shot would rate a soft “R” for the actual (not implied) sexual content. Early HBO levels of boobs with a fair amount of material for the female gaze too. Definitely not Sin-e-max amount of nudity.

 

 It’s always interesting to see how make-up handles the bathing suit areas in porn. Sometimes the green stops just beyond the bikini line (Chyna as She Hulk in the Avengers Parodies). Other times it’s the full treatment. There are hygiene concerns, naturally, I’m sure.

 

This year also claimed other greats such as Civil rights leader John Lewis, basketball legend and novice helicopter pilot Kobe Bryant, and little known actor Sean Connery who was most famous for the 50’s Disney movie “Darby O‘Gill and the little people.”

 

 Frederick “Toots” Hibbert also passed this shitty year which was especially tragic because of the dozen or so Maytals found lost and malnourished at his house. 

 On the day I’m finishing this column David Prowse, the imposing physical representation of Darth Vader: cinema’s greatest villain, just joined the force. One last “fuck you” from this dumpster fire of a year!

 

 In an interesting variation on Disney’s creative bankruptcy they announced they’re going to start doing animated versions of their live action movies. First up is an animated version of “Darby O’Gill” with “Bedknobs and broomsticks” after that followed by either “The Shaggy Dog” or “Ruthless People!” Depending on market response.

 

 I wonder if Judge Reinhold can take time out of his busy schedule to voice the animated version of his character from Ruthless People. I’ll ask him next time I Uber.

 

 Sarah Beattie is, supposedly, a controversial figure in social media. Which is akin to being a “fish” in the “ocean”. I follow her on twitter and find her knocking out solid burns and one liners on a regular basis. Worth it for that alone. TBH I wasn’t even aware that she was a model or a “controversial figure” till I was researching her for this review.

 

 Oh wait, I think I know where she got some of those ideas now!

 

 “Controversial” in this case being an attractive woman who is sex positive and can make jokes on the subject. Oh, also being vocally anti-Trump. Which is controversial only if you haven’t been paying attention in the last four years, raised a conservative christian or make over 400K a year.

I’ll leave this column like I leave many of my Adult Continuity Columns: with a picture of Angela White and Maitland Ward:

Welcome ladies.

Like I said… wait what was I saying again?

 

 NEXT: The New Mutants, or maybe I’ll keep delaying this one as much as the movie was.

 

 LATER: Whatever tickles my ass with a feather… er, I mean fancy.

Anytime Costumes

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