I’m very disappointed in you all. It’s bad enough that there was one Sharknado. But, oh no, you guys just had to give in to its faux-so-bad-it’s-good sensibilities and make Sharknado 2: The Second One the highest rated Syfy movie ever. So, of course, they’ve returned with a third installment of the gimmick that just won’t die. Wednesday July 22nd, Syfy will air Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! thus breaking the seventh seal and ushering in the end of humanity.
And the press release gives us a look into Sharknado 3‘s biggest gimmick — it’s stunt casting:
Sharknado 3 will cause mass destruction in Washington, D.C. before roaring down the Eastern Seaboard and into Florida, and stars Ian Ziering as Fin, Tara Reid as April and Cassie Scerbo as Nova. Joining them will be David Hasselhoff as Fin’s father, Gil; Bo Derek will play April’s mother, May; Ryan Newman will play April and Fin’s daughter, Claudia Shepard, and Jack Griffo will portray Claudia’s friend, Billy.
Additional cameo roles include Mark Cuban as the President of the United States; Ann Coulter as the Vice President; Michele Bachmann as herself; Jerry Springer as Mr. White, a manic tourist; Washington [Football] tackle Tom Compton as a reporter; *NSYNC singer Chris Kirkpatrick as a pool lifeguard, and Chris Jericho, who will portray Bruce the roller coaster ride operator.
Yes, this film will feature retired congresswoman and certified crazy person Michele Bachmann. Of course, Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! couldn’t be content with just one right-wing crackpot, so the cast also features billionaire devotee to Ayn Rand, Mark Cuban, and the calculating inhuman monster that is Ann Coulter. With a cast like that, it’s easy to see why Sharknado 3 will be absolutely terrifying.