Samo Says: Star Wars – The Last of My Patience

GameStop, Inc.

When I was a child, I loved Star Wars. I had the Kenner toys, the VHS cassettes (look them up kids), t-shirts, bed sheets, you name it, I had it.

As I grew older, I still enjoyed the product and whenever any of the three movies would come on television, I would drop everything to watch. I would eternally refer to it as, watching it for the second time. My interest was reinvigorated in the early 1990s when Timothy Zahn wrote The Heir to the Empire trilogy. It was the perfect continuation to the cinematic universe that I loved. Unfortunately, in 1997 George Lucas tampered with near perfection bringing out the Special Editions for the 20th anniversary of the franchise and that’s when I began lying to myself.

The lies started with, Oh, these are pretty good too. I like the new scene with Jabba. Oh look, more stuff in the background. Ok…that’s…huh…I guess it works, etc.

Eventually, I would stand in line for the prequels with each being worse than the next. The best I could say about The Phantom Menace was how bad-a Darth Maul looked and put John Williams’ Duel of Fates on repeat in the CD player (I’m seriously dating myself).

I don’t have to go into Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith to continue with my Battered Wife Syndrome in my hopes that George Lucas would treat the fans better, but what felt like a betrayal to the property with the constant tweaks and lies of how the original theatrical versions were lost, never to be released again, I began to hate Star Wars and those who continued to drink the Kool-Aid.

In 2012, a beacon of light shined through as a new lover emerged, someone that understood the fans desires, making us tingle with excitement, giving us what we thought we wanted and that was Mickey Mouse and J.J. Abrams with Star Wars: The Force Awakens! Then I saw it and though, Oh that’s a lot like A New Hope…I kinda like it, it’s north of mediocre unlike the other three. I’ll give these versions a chance. Man, Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) does whine a lot, living the shadow of grandpa has got to suck.

Of course, the lies of the new lover began to resemble the lies of the previous one. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story promised to be a stand-alone movie, unrelated to the original trilogy. Was it? Nope. It turned out to be Star Wars: Episode III.V – Rogue One. A throwaway line from the original film about how they received the information to blow up the Death Star. It was 2 hours of the nostalgia train moving full-steam-ahead and again I was disappointed.

Writer/Director Rian Johnson (Looper, Breaking Bad) took over for J.J. Abrams and destroyed what was laid out in the reinvigorated franchise. The best I could say about the new film is that the CGI Carrie Fisher is almost seamlessly woven in post-mortem, giving her a proper send off.

Here’s the rundown of what happens in The Last Jedi without major spoilers:

Act I:

  • Bad Jokes, cool space battle, Kylo Ren whines, General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson) whines, Supreme Leader Snoke makes threats, a bunch of Rebels die because Poe (Oscar Isaac) disobeys orders.
  • Bad visual gag with Finn (John Boyega), Poe continues to disobey orders.
  • Bad jokes on Jedi Island, Luke is a cantankerous old man who shows us exactly where blue milk comes from, Rey wants to learn to be a Jedi, Luke says no, the Force connects Kylo and Rey somehow, they both continue to whine.

Act II:

  • The Rebel ships are attacked, here is the perfect out for Leia to die but doesn’t, Finn wants to run away but gets caught by Rose Tico [(Kelly Marie Tran) the best new Star Wars character] who helps him man up, Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo  (Laura Dern) shows up with purple hair, takes command while Leia is recovering.
  • Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo puts Poe in his place but he still disobeys orders, contacting Maz Kanata (Lupita Nyong’o) to help them by sending Rose and Finn on a mission to find a code breaker.
  • Kylo Ren whines shirtless, Rey whines,General Hux whines, Luke is scared, some darkside stuff happens that isn’t dark.
  • Awesome fight scene that should have been the end of the trilogy, not act two of the second film.

Act III:

  • Finn and Rose find a code breaker named DJ (Benicio Del Toro), a nihilist, who teaches them about weapons profiteers and that the people who sell to the “bad guys” also sell to the “good guys.”
  • Kylo Ren is still a giant, whining rage baby, Rey continues to look like she’s holding in gas, Luke gets a visit.
  • Poe disobeys orders, Leia wakes up and puts him in his place, they escape only to be followed by The New Order.
  • Another cool fight scene that should have been the end of the second act, not leading to the end of the movie.
  • Sad music, the rebels escape, roll credits.

What I liked about The Last Jedi:

  • Rose Tico, she’s a great edition to the story and the only female worth a damn under 50.
  • BB-8 replacing R2-D2 as the number one comic relief droid and that’s hard to do.
  • The two major fight scenes. The Last Jedi has a roughly 2:30 run time and these are the best 25 minutes of the movie.

What I didn’t like about The Last Jedi:

  • Predictability. As many twists-and-turns Johnson tried to force into this flick, there were far too many scenes that left me shaking my head in disappointment. I was thinking, Well, there’s a turning point. Yep, that’s how X was going to going. Okay, that was just bad. etc.
  • The incessant jokes. The first eight Star Wars movies had light humor to offset the heaviness of the story. This one movie crams nine movies worth of jokes into its run time.
  • The constant whining by the male characters and Rey. The hot ticket item this decade is the rise of the Beta Male and as great as it is to see Laura Dern, Kelly Marie Tran and Carrie Fisher be the strong female role models that Star Wars needs, you can’t be Jedi Masters and Sith Lords constantly complaining.
  • No one follows orders. No wonder why the Resistance keeps losing.
  • Captain Phasma, she’s more worthless than Boba Fett in this franchise and has less screen time. They really wasted Gwendoline Christie as she’s nothing more than Stormtrooper eye candy.
  • BB-9E, just one more toy to sell.
  • The 2-hours of filler to get to the exciting bits.

Final Thoughts:

For those that feared this would be a remake of The Empire Strikes Back, you would be so lucky! Star Wars: The Last Jedi is series of loosely linked vignettes that leave you asking far more questions than giving you any sort of resolution. Rian Johnson erase two-thirds of what J.J. Abrams set forth in The Force Awakens and leaves you feeling like the only thing that could have made this movie even worse is if Jar Jar Binks showed up with tongue wagging shrieking, “Meso es Back!”

Anytime Costumes

Leave a Reply

FanboyNation
Animation/Anime Interviews Animation/Anime News Animation/Anime Reviews Film/TV Interviews Film/TV News Film/TV Review
Lim Kay Siu Talks About His Role as Gyatso in Netflix’s ‘Avatar’

International Star, Lim Kay Siu talks about his role as Gyatso...

Ernie Hudson Talks ‘Quantum Leap’ Season Two – Interview

Legendary Actor, Ernie Hudson Talks ‘Quantum Leap‘ Season Two, 2-Hour Season...

Morgan Jon Fox Talks About his Card Collecting Documentary ‘The Hobby’

Morgan Jon Fox Talks About his Card Collecting Documentary ‘The Hobby‘...

Event News Event Reviews
Aiden Sinclair and Michael Rangel Talks ’57 Ghosts’ Aboard the Queen Mary Séance

Aiden Sinclair and Apparitionist, Michael Rangel Discuss their new Theatrical Séance...

Luke and Madison Rhoades Open ‘Slashers Axe Throwing’ – Interview

Luke and Madison Rhoades Open Orange County’s first ever horror themed...

Charity Hill and Steve Sheldon, EPIC Ent. Host Immersive Christmas Experiences Across the U.S.

Charity Hill and Steve Sheldon, EPIC Entertainment Group Host Immersive Christmas...

Automotives Football MMA, Kick Boxing & Boxing Professional Wrestling
Olympic Runner Colleen Quigley ‘On The Road to Paris’

Team USA Olympic Runner, Colleen Quigley is On The Road to...

Paralympian Swimmer Ahalya Lettenberger On The Road to Paris

Team USA Paralympian Swimmer, Ahalya Lettenberger is On The Road to...

Ultimate Women of Wrestling Comes to the Globe Theatre – Interview

Ultimate Women of Wrestling Comes to the Globe Theatre on Sunday,...

Adult Continuity Comics on the Can Cultural Junk Drawer Future Comic Rock Stars Is That Racist? Revisiting the Reviled THAT'S NOT ROTTEN! The B-Reel The Cantina Scene This Week in Crowdfunding What the HELL Did I just...?
Fantoy Comics Presents: Harry Potter and the Pahrump Saga! Back to the story!

Alright you monkeys, back to work!

Fantoy Comics Presents: Valentine’s Special 2024: pt 2

Happy Valentines day, Sugar Beet!

Cultural Junkdrawer: I’m not a Swifty, but…

CULTURAL JUNKDRAWER I‘M not a Taylor Swift fan but…     This...

Music Interviews Music News Music Reviews
Joe Kwaczala Talks About His new Comedy Album ‘Funny Songs & Sketches’ – Interview

Joe Kwaczala Talks About His new Comedy Album ‘Funny Songs &...

Songwriter and Poet, Tamara Mechael Talks About Her Career in the Arts

First Generation Assyrian-Chaldean, Songwriter and Poet, Tamara Mechael Talks About Her...

Louden Swain Headlining Los Angeles Show at The Echo

Press Release – Louden Swain are headlining Los Angeles show at...

Enabled Gaming Gaming News Gaming Reviews
Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League
Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League Gameplay Trailer

The first Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League gameplay trailer was revealed during...

Wonder Woman Game
Wonder Woman Game Announced By DC and WB Games

Wonder Woman game will feature the iconic hero in a 3rd...

MultiVersus
MultiVersus brings Batman, Arya Stark, Bugs Bunny, and More

MultiVersus is bringing Shaggy, Harley Quinn, Jake, Batman, Arya Stark, Bugs Bunny,...

Comic Creator Interviews Comic/Graphic Novel News Comic/Graphic Novel Reviews Manga News Manga Reviews Novel/Novella Author Interviews Novel/Novella News Novel/Novella Reviews
Gary Morgenstein Talks ‘A Dugout to Peace’ the Final Installment of his Trilogy

Gary Morgenstein Talks About ‘A Dugout to Peace‘ the final installment...

Chris Clews Is ‘Raised on the 80s’ and Shares Those Life Lessons

Chris Clews was ‘Raised on the 80s‘ and Shares Those Life...

Roye Okupe Brings Authentic African Representation to HBO Max and Cartoon Network

Nigerian-American, Roye Okupe brings authentic African representation to HBO Max and...

Apparel/Personal Maintenance News Apparel/Personal Maintenance Reviews Entertainment Product News Entertainment Product Reviews Food/Beverage Reviews Hardware News Hardware Reviews Mystery Box News Mystery Box Reviews
Harry Potter: Magic Caster Wand Demo

The new ‘Harry Potter: Magic Caster Wand‘ is ready to ship...

Chef Jen Peters and Matthew Clayton Bring us the ‘Good Flour’

Canadian Super Chef Jen Peters and Matthew Clayton Bring us the...

Pop Insider 2021 Holiday Gift Guide
Pop Insider 2021 Holiday Gift Guide

The Pop Insider 2021 Holiday Gift Guide is now available to help...

Gaming Uncensored Toon-In-Talk
Episode 38: Hamid Rahmanian

Join Whitney Grace as she speaks with artist Hamid Rahmanian, who...

No Preview
Toon-In Talk Episode 37: Niki Smith

Whitney Grace interviews graphic novel writer and artist Niki Smith about...

Toon-In Talk Episode 36: Rob Paulsen

Rob Paulsen takes some time from his busy voice acting schedule...