‘Wonka’ is a Hollow Chocolate Bunny that’s WORSE the Second Go-Around – Review

GameStop, Inc.

Wonka‘ is a fanciful rendition on how Jeff Bezos took Amazon from selling used text books to becoming the number one retailer, while disguised as a prequel to a Roald Dahl classic.

Writer’s Note: I watched the garbage twice, to make sure I was not wrong the first time.

Wonka‘ is the fanciful retelling of Jeff Bezos during the early years of Amazon, while taking on the corrupt authorities including the church, the police and local government, a slumlord and lastly the chocolate oligopoly, all set to awful songs in an attempt to revolutionize the world of confections. The nonsense includes Willy Wonka (Timothée Chalamet) signing the Apple/Google Agreement without reading the fine print (because he is an illiterate), now he’s an indentured servant to the roach motel he tried to stay in for the night.

The only two redeeming character is Noodle (Calah Lane), the poor, orphan girl that works for the slumlord and teaches Wonka how to read. Unfortunately, this fatherless Black child trope is used to prove that she is actually the rightful heir to one of the chocolate cartel (their words in the movie, not mine) and the Chief of Police (Keegan-Michael Key), who’s ever expanding waistline via his addiction is humorous.

What Co-Writers Paul King and Simon Farnaby, brought to the Paddington movies, is completely lost on ‘Wonka.’ I had no idea I could hate a children’s movie so much as I did with this, “film.” This stinker is a visually stunning, hollow story that will have Roald Dahl turning in his grave. If you love your children or your own childhood, avoid ‘Wonka.’

Wonka‘ has all the whimsy as a water balloon filled with urine. How Willy incorporates his other indentured servants to join him to build his chocolate factory, then they either leave of their own accord without compensation or like Noodle, who literally gives up her fortune to live an impoverished like with her librarian mother, gives a Mark Zuckerberg level of alienating your friends and competition in building you up.

The character of Willy Wonka begins as impoverished proletariat who eventually becomes the chocolate aristocracy by LITTERALLY killing his competition.

Luckily, the Oompa Loompa (Hugh Grant) is barely in the film, as they take away another job away from a little person.

Wonka‘ unlike the original ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory‘ which went from a theatrical failure to beloved classic, will be forgotten to time like most remakes, reboots and prequels that should have left well enough alone.

Wonka‘ opens…who cares when.

0.5

Summary

‘Wonka’ does its hardest and nearly succeeds in trying to destroy the legacy of Gene Wilder and the classic tale of Roald Dahl.

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