Revisiting the Reviled: There’s No Absolution for the Sins of ‘Constantine’

GameStop, Inc.
const-4

Aww Hell.

It’s really remarkable that Keanu Reeves has had as long and successful career as he has. He’s not an actor with an incredible range. He may have given one of the worst performances of the past quarter-century in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Other than Dracula, Reeves has picked roles that fit his strengths, and for the most part this has suited him quite well. Another example of Keanu picking the right roles continued with Constantine, an adaptation of the Vertigo comic Hellblazer. Sure, the movie is a rambling mess, but Reeves isn’t why it’s bad. As a matter of fact, he’s one of the few things that prevents Constantine from being an absolute disaster.

Aiming to be a supernatural noir film, Constantine is really nothing more than a special effect spectacle with an incredibly weak script. As a first time director, Francis Lawrence has a few moments that are genuinely interesting, if only from a visual perspective. Evidenced by his follow up, I Am Legend, Lawrence isn’t always adept at getting the most from middling material. The script, credited to Kevin Brodbin and Frank A. Cappello, is a mess of half-baked theology and plotting. Characters disappear for lengthy periods of time with little rhyme or reason. The film also features such a rambling nonsensical twist ending that it’s an insult to all twist endings before it.

const-1

The most noticeable issue concerning Constantine is its weird use of the MacGuffin. The Spear of Destiny, unrelated to the Sword of Destiny from Arrested Development, was the spear that killed Jesus, and it grants massive power to whoever possesses it. The film’s first scene shows a lowly Mexican peasant discovering the spear wrapped in a Nazi flag, always a good omen. Aside from a rare cutaway to the peasant’s travels to America, the item is all but irrelevant until the film’s climax. By definition a MacGuffin is an item that is sought after, though meaningless, that drives the plot forward. Only here it doesn’t drive anything forward.

Where the film really loses its way is the manner with which it goes to obscure the stakes and the players in its battle between Heaven and Hell. There’s no real central villain throughout the film, only a late in the game reveal that carries little relevance. Think about it, dealing with Heaven and Hell and there’s no effort to present a clear image of good vs. evil. Though they make the film about a wager between God and Satan for the souls of the world – God: an omnipotent, bored gambler – but just saying that a few times doesn’t give the story any form of stakes.

Const-2

Keanu Reeves does an adequate job portraying John Constantine as a reluctant hero, a supernatural investigator searching for his own salvation. As much as Keanu gets the proper tone of the film, he’s given little support from the writing and directing, which leads to Constantine featuring a wasted cast of biblical proportions. Usually one of the best actresses working today, Rachel Weisz alternates between her typical excellence and the worst she’s ever been, sometime laughable. Shia LaBeouf is Constantine’s trusty cabbie sidekick, Chas, who is basically reprising his role from I, Robot. The worst performance of the film goes to Gavin Rossdale, who’s as good at acting as he is at rocking. The only camera this guy belongs in front of is a paparazzi’s camera – not that I wish Rossdale to be further hounded by the vulture-trash that is paparazzi. For all the film’s failings none is more glaring that the wasting of my spirit animal, Tilda Swinton. Appearing as the angel Gabriel, Swinton has two scenes. In The first of these scenes she explains the rules of the film’s world with natural charm and ease. Then there’s her final scene where they almost unleash the Tilda, but instead allow her to be shoved aside in favor of Peter Stormare.

const-3

The Angel of Cinema.

Constantine was a modest success at the box office, but time hasn’t been kind to the reputation of the film. The movie now mostly forgotten, Constantine lives on as a new series on NBC. Maybe as a weekly series they can find a way to give the character depth that wasn’t achieved at the cinema. Keanu Reeves is still out there doing his Keanu thing – is Dogstar still a thing? Even after his mediocre first feature, director Francis Lawrence has continued to rise as a director, having helmed The Hunger Games: Catching Fire and both installments of the conclusion The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, the first of which comes out later this year. While I could overlook the misused MacGuffin, the lack of clear conflict, the hackneyed noir clichés, and dopey theology, I cannot forgive a wasted Tilda Swinton. While definitely not the worst I’ve had to watch for this series, Constantine is dismal because of its wasted potential. Even with its minor triumphs, Constantine will never find absolution for its sins of undisciplined, bad storytelling.

 

 

Anytime Costumes

One Response

  1. Tim July 5, 2016 Reply

Leave a Reply

FanboyNation
Animation/Anime Interviews Animation/Anime News Animation/Anime Reviews Film/TV Interviews Film/TV News Film/TV Review
Roz Makes Her Return to ‘Night Court’ in ‘Pension Tension’ Exclusive Clip

Roz Makes Her Return to ‘Night Court‘ in ‘Pension Tension‘ with...

The Ninaber Bros. and Kristen Kaster Talk DREAD’S ‘A Knight’s War’ – Interview

‘A Knight’s War‘ from DREAD takes us on a mystical journey...

We Test Our EQ By Revisiting the ‘New Zoo Revue’ with Doug and Emily Momary – Interview

We revisit the classic 1970s series, ‘The New Zoo Revue‘ with...

Event News Event Reviews
In Love with ‘Shakespeare in Love’ at the Maverick Theater – Review

Fall in love with ‘Shakespeare in Love‘, the Maverick Theater has...

‘Tick, Tick…BOOM!’ Explodes on stage at the Chance Theater – Review

‘Tick, Tick… Boom!‘ has dynamite performances with a lackluster book that...

‘The Marvelous Wonderettes’ is Wonderous at The Phantom Projects – Review

Off-Broadway comes to North Orange County with ‘The Marvelous Wonderettes‘ at...

Automotives Football MMA, Kick Boxing & Boxing Professional Wrestling
Goldie Collins uses her ‘Animal Instinct’ in the WOW Tag Team Division – Interview

Goldie Collins and her Animal Instinct tag team partner, Katarina Jinx...

Top Tier Talk About the Season Premiere of WOW – Women Of Wrestling – Interview

Top Tier Talk About the WOW Season Premiere and being named...

WOW and Pluto TV Tag Team with a New Channel – SDCC News

WOW – Women Of Wrestling has a new tag team partner...

Adult Continuity Comics on the Can Cultural Junk Drawer Future Comic Rock Stars Is That Racist? Revisiting the Reviled THAT'S NOT ROTTEN! The B-Reel The Cantina Scene This Week in Crowdfunding What the HELL Did I just...?
Fantoy Comics Presents – Valentine month special featuring Luna Love good pt 2

I'm an Alpha. As my female I expect you to cook,...

Fantoy Comics Presents – Valentine’s day special 2025 pt 1

Ok you got me, I don't surf.

Fantoy Comics Presents – A REPRINT!

Oop!

Music Interviews Music News Music Reviews
John Dawson Talks His Cody Rhodes Inspired Song ‘Under All the Lights’ – Interview

Canadian Singer/Songwriter John Dawson Talks About His Cody and Brandi Rhodes...

Composer Youssef Guezoum Nominated for Two HMMA Awards – Interview

Moroccan born composer, Youssef Guezoum takes his adopted country by storm...

Isabella Summers Talks Composing for the Animated Feature ‘Hitpig!’ – Interview

‘Hitpig!‘ Composer, Isabella Summers Talks About Composing for the Indie Animated...

Enabled Gaming Gaming News Gaming Reviews
Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League
Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League Gameplay Trailer

The first Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League gameplay trailer was revealed during...

Wonder Woman Game
Wonder Woman Game Announced By DC and WB Games

Wonder Woman game will feature the iconic hero in a 3rd...

MultiVersus
MultiVersus brings Batman, Arya Stark, Bugs Bunny, and More

MultiVersus is bringing Shaggy, Harley Quinn, Jake, Batman, Arya Stark, Bugs Bunny,...

Comic Creator Interviews Comic/Graphic Novel News Comic/Graphic Novel Reviews Manga News Manga Reviews Novel/Novella Author Interviews Novel/Novella News Novel/Novella Reviews
Michael Hirsh Made Gen X Citizens Via his ‘Animation Nation’ – Interview

Legendary Animator, Michael Hirsh goes from Immigrant to Emperor in his...

Billy Eddy Talks His new Book ‘Our New World of Adult Bullies’ – Interview

Lawyer, Mediator and Personality Expert Bill Eddy Provides a Six-Step Strategy...

Gary Morgenstein Talks ‘A Dugout to Peace’ the Final Installment of his Trilogy

Gary Morgenstein Talks About ‘A Dugout to Peace‘ the final installment...

Apparel/Personal Maintenance News Apparel/Personal Maintenance Reviews Entertainment Product News Entertainment Product Reviews Food/Beverage Reviews Hardware News Hardware Reviews Mystery Box News Mystery Box Reviews
Relive ‘Batman Forever’ with the Spin Master Exclusives at Target – Toys

Celebrate 30 years of ‘Batman Forever‘ with this DC Comics Retro...

The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan Unveils Halo Collar 4 – Interview

Cesar Millan Unveils Halo Collar 4: A Game-Changer for the Safety...

Artista Cigars Unveils Name Change For Two Cigar Lines – News

Artista Cigars Unveils Packaging Redesign and Name Change for Puro Ambar...

Gaming Uncensored Toon-In-Talk
Episode 38: Hamid Rahmanian

Join Whitney Grace as she speaks with artist Hamid Rahmanian, who...

No Preview
Toon-In Talk Episode 37: Niki Smith

Whitney Grace interviews graphic novel writer and artist Niki Smith about...

Toon-In Talk Episode 36: Rob Paulsen

Rob Paulsen takes some time from his busy voice acting schedule...