Strong, Hard, and Full of Flavor – Coffee Crisis Review

GameStop, Inc.

Save the world from evil aliens and grandparents who are out to steal our metal music, coffee, and wifi – Coffee Crisis Review

If you grew up during the first generation of console gaming, side-scrolling beat’em up games are a staple of your gaming experience. Something about teaming up with a friend and taking on hordes of enemies with awesome combos initiated with the push of a button really spoke to a generation. The genre is greatly saturated, but games like Streets of RageTurtles in Time, and Double Dragon stand the test of time. Coffee Crisis is definitely in the same vein of those classics and is an awesome homage and update to the genre.

Coffee Crisis is a side-scrolling beat’em up game where your goal is to save the world from the Smurglian race of aliens from stealing the world’s most precious resources; metal music, coffee, and wifi. Players take control of Nick and/or Ashley, baristas of Black Forge Coffeehouse, and take on the hordes of mind-controlled grandparents, probably mind-controlled bros, and of course the Smurglian aliens. Players are immediately thrown into the fray as Aliens attack Pittsburg and must fight their way through, collecting coffee beans, thrashing bad guys, and play a few mini-games. It’s a pretty quirky story, that masterfully sets the tone and pace of the game. Some of the dialogue is a bit blocky, but overall it toes the line between “what happens next?” and “I can just skip this” perfectly.

Not saying you should, or would, skip the story, but like many in its genre the story is an enhancement to the gameplay. Coffee Crisis plays just like a side-scrolling beat’em up from the 16-bit era. -Sidenote, the game is also available for Sega Genesis.- Think Streets of Rage or Altered Beasts. You have your single button combos, your jump attacks that allow for fast strikes and evasions, and your special attack which drains your health when you use it. It plays just like a retro-game in all aspects; from the player side, and the enemy side. So boss enemies don’t have the same physics as most NPC’s or even the player, whoever is the victim of being attacked is stunned long enough for a combo to be unleashed upon them, and health is kind of hard to find. This means placement and location of bad guys are key when you unload your combo attacks because if the grouping isn’t right one of those baddies will knock you across the screen and disrupt your combo. What really kind of solidifies the gameplay, knocking enemies offscreen does not protect them! This is a huge deal, as a lot of times it is painfully annoying and potentially game-ending if an enemy if knocked off screen. In Coffee Crisis you can either walk over to shift the screen or if thrown, enemies seem to hit a wall and are dealt extra damage upon impact. I think the best part about Coffee Crisis are the powerups you get while fighting. The powerups are what really distinguish the game from other games like it. Some powerups build up as you fight, others are pick-ups, and they shake up the gameplay and can really shift the tide of battle. My favorite part though, is the level screens that have the level passwords. It’s the nostalgia factor and that it does so without feeling like a gimmick. Lastly, the mini-games are a great change of pace and provide little bonuses to help progress the story. It feels like The Simpsons arcade game in that sense, and it causes uncontrollable giggle fits. The game doesn’t need the mini-games, but it is definitely better because of it.

The only things I don’t like about the gameplay are that the AI feels a lot more like a coin-op beat’em versus a console beat’em up and you can’t hit downed enemies. Coin-op beat’em ups have a lot of unavoidable things that eat away at your health so you’ll drop another quarter to continue. In Coffee Crisis some enemies seem to be kind of immune to the combo stunning, just enough to knock you down. Maybe there’s an identifier or something to tell which sprites can pull off an attack while in a combo stun, but it’s a little annoying when it seems like 90% of the same sprite aren’t immune. I could also slightly be messing up my bad guy placement by just enough pixels to allow attacks to slip through my combo. But, it still kind of feels like it’s trying to get me to spend another quarter. Then the downed enemies thing. It was pretty normal to not be able to hit downed enemies, but it was always that more gratifying when you could.

One last thing I have to talk about the game is the music. Coffee Crisis features original music by Pittsburgh metal band, Greywalker. Personally, I’m not a regular listener of metal. Not that I don’t like it, I just don’t ever find the urge to listen to it. But when I do listen to metal, it’s usually to get the heart pumping and get things done. The music of Coffee Crisis perfectly captures that feeling and, I have no way of proving this, does make me play the game better. I tested this by playing the game without sound and with sound. I definitely died less when I could hear the music. There are also some cases where the gameplay and music align perfectly and seem like you’re playing a music video. I can’t explain that sentence, but that’s how it feels.

Coffee Crisis is a great interpretation of a classic formula. It’s a fun, exciting, and funny side-scrolling beat’em up that is very reminiscent of Streets of Rage, but with a much more cohesive story. The “bro” sprites really remind me of the general street thugs you would fight throughout that game. The gameplay is engaging, the story is a perfect expansion of the gameplay, and the mechanics of the game are solid. The only thing the game doesn’t do is revolutionize. This isn’t a bad thing, and I in no way mean to put down the amazing work put into the game. It definitely belongs in the same category of great console beat’em up games, it just doesn’t rise above them. My Coffee Crisis review gets an 8.5/10

For some behind the scenes information, check out our interview with Coffee Crisis’ C# Developer Nick Mann

Coffee Crisis [PC]
  • 7/10
    Story - 7/10
  • 9/10
    Gameplay - 9/10
  • 9/10
    Mechanics - 9/10
8.5/10

TLDR

Coffee Crisis is a great interpretation of a classic formula. It’s a fun, exciting, and funny side-scrolling beat’em up that is very reminiscent of Streets of Rage, but with a much more cohesive story. The “bro” sprites really remind me of the general street thugs you would fight throughout that game. The gameplay is engaging, the story is a perfect expansion of the gameplay, and the mechanics of the game are solid. The only thing the game doesn’t do is revolutionize. This isn’t a bad thing, and I in no way mean to put down the amazing work put into the game. It definitely belongs in the same category of great console beat’em up games, it just doesn’t rise above them.

Sending
User Review
0 (0 votes)
Anytime Costumes

Leave a Reply

Animation/Anime Interviews Animation/Anime News Animation/Anime Reviews Film/TV Interviews Film/TV News Film/TV Review
‘One Cut of the Dead’ Review — The Wildest Zombie Movie in Years

Despite how much I love zombie movies I do have to...

Depraved Review
‘Depraved’ Review — Larry Fessenden Brings ‘Frankenstein’ to Today’s Horrors

The immortal story of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein has endured over the...

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum Review
How ‘John Wick’ Saved the Action Film From Chaos

In his 1999 World War II masterpiece, Saving Private Ryan, director...

Event News Event Reviews
Adam Rocha Celebrates the Silver Anniversary of the San Antonio Film Festival

The San Antonio Film Festival (SAFilm) is celebrating 25 years of ...

Legion M President, Jeff Annison Talks about All the SDCC 2019 Festivities

Legion M is the only fan owned film studio that brings...

Viz Media SDCC 2019: Seis Manos and more!

Announced earlier this year (click here), Seis Manos is an upcoming...

Enabled Gaming Gaming News Gaming Reviews
Hunt: Showdown Officially Launches on Windows PC

Crytek’s Hunt: Showdown officially launches on Windows PC Today Crytek’s online multiplayer bounty...

Super Girl Gamer Pro Returns for an All Female ESports Tournament in Oceanside, CA

THIRD ANNUAL SUPER GIRL GAMER PRO – ONLY U.S. MULTI-TITLE COMPETITIVE...

Taco Bell Xbox
The Newest Taco Bell Box is an Xbox – Your Chance to Win a Taco Bell Xbox

Taco Bell and Xbox are partnering up to give fans a chance...

Comic Creator Interviews Comic/Graphic Novel News Comic/Graphic Novel Reviews Manga News Manga Reviews Novel/Novella Author Interviews Novel/Novella News Novel/Novella Reviews
Neon Future Interview with Founder & Writer

A few months ago at WonderCon 2019, I had the honor...

Blue Bastion
Help Bring the World of Blue Bastion to Life

Live now on Indiegogo, help bring the rich and wondrous world...

impact theory
Impact Theory Founder – Tom Bilyeu

Tom Bilyeu is the CEO and co-founder of Impact Theory, an...

Apparel/Personal Maintenance News Apparel/Personal Maintenance Reviews Entertainment Product News Entertainment Product Reviews Food/Beverage Reviews Hardware News Hardware Reviews Mystery Box News Mystery Box Reviews
Blue Yeti Nano Microphone Review

We have been playing with the Blue Yeti Nano for a...

Wrestle Crate Pre-Christmas Unboxing

    Welcome to our first unboxing of Wrestle Crate, this...

Eagle Eyes
Protect Your Eyes with Eagle Eyes Glasses – Eagle Eyes TV Kit Review

Eagle Eyes TV Kit review – Feel the difference and get...

Arena Football Automotives MMA, Kick Boxing & Boxing Professional Wrestling
Ken Shamrock Shows His ‘Valor’ With VBK 1 This Fall

The Most Dangerous Man in the World, Ken Shamrock is a...

‘Pitbull’ vs. Archuleta and Machida vs. Mousasi Headline Bellator’s Return to L.A. on Sept. 28

  LOS ANGELES – The opening round of the Bellator Featherweight World...

UFC Featherweight Contender, Brian Ortega Talks about Health and Recovery

Brian Ortega is one of the baddest fighters in the UFC....

Adult Continuity Comics on the Can Cultural Junk Drawer Future Comic Rock Stars Is That Racist? Revisiting the Reviled THAT'S NOT ROTTEN! The B-Reel The Cantina Scene This Week in Crowdfunding What the HELL Did I just...?
Adult Continuity Issue #19 – This ain’t Terminator XXX (this is a parody)

 “This isn’t Terminator XXX A porn parody” is another Axel Braun...

Fantoy Comics Presents: Harry Potter and the Emissary of Death: The end!

John Wick Vs Voldemort Who won?

Fantoy Comics Presents : Harry Potter and the Emissary of death: The beginning of the end pt: 2

The noose is tightening round Voldemort's neck.

Gaming Uncensored Toon-In-Talk
Coastal Commoners Ep. 9 Happy Thanksgiving!

This week the Commoners discuss some race baiting issues that bothered...

Coastal Commoners Ep 8 – Saying Farewell to Stan Lee

This week the commoner’s say farewell to Marvel Comics legend, Stan...

Coastal Commoners Ep 7 Mid-Term Elections!

Oh the headaches of elections and what can go wrong. We...

Music Interviews Music News Music Reviews
Comedy Duo Ben Giroux and Jensen Reed Take Us, ‘Back To The 80s’

Two of the funniest men in show business, Ben Giroux (Hart...

James Maslow ‘Rush’es the Stage to Perform at Super Girl Surf Pro on Sunday

James Maslow is an American singer, actor and songwriter best known as the star of...

Jason Lazarus Talks about Composing the Music for ‘Teen Titans Go! vs Teen Titans’

Jason Lazarus is a Los Angeles based composer for film, television, and...