Adult Continuity Presents Issue #22 This ain’t Fallout XXX

GameStop, Inc.

 

The only clean picture I could find.

ADULT CONTINUITY

Issue 22

This ain’t Fallout XXX

(Pt 2 of the apocalypse trilogy) 

 

 Welcome post apocalyptic survivor!

 Before you set off into the wasteland as a quasi messianic legendary warrior like Mad Max, John Connor or Kevin Costner we here at the last outpost of humanity need you to do something. An act that is as vital to saving humanity as participating in a high speed car chase across the desert, finding the McGuffin to fix the world or (to a much lesser degree) delivering the mail.

 We need you to review a porn parody!

 In this post apocalyptic world of scarcity, 8 foot tall cockroaches and killer robots we only have a limited amount of energy… and human biomass… to spend on watching porn. So we need to be selective.

 Since you are the chosen one; the man who has a near magical combination of film production savvy, geek knowledge and access to a stupefying quantity of adult movies it is essential to your story arc that you come to terms with your emotional trauma through helping a band of nobel survivors that just want the good stuff to fap to!

 It’s either that or clean out the telepathic spider roach pens.

 Just watch this one porn parody and one more to complete the trilogy you promised to do so many many months ago. And then you can go about your business of wandering the wasteland searching for punks wearing leather chaps, a guitar that shoots flame from its neck… and redemption.

 

Hey gang! Match the line with the corresponding famous apocalypse or post apocalypse property

1 “On the roads it was a white line nightmare. Only those mobile enough to scavenge, brutal enough to pillage, would survive!”

2. “I wanted a mission. And for my sins they gave me one.”

3.“Soylent green is people!”

4.“When there is no more room in hell the dead will walk the earth!”

5. “My job isn’t to believe or disbelieve. It is to act or not act!”

6. “As before, the resistance was able to send a lone warrior, a protector for John. It was just a question of which one would reach him first.”

7. “There was an accident. About an hour ago, a small jet went down inside New York City. The President was on board.”  “The president of what?”

  1. “And if you tell my heart/ My achy breaky heart/ He might blow up and kill this man!”
  2. “Make america great again!”
  3. “Disaster and plague nearly wiped out the world as you know it!”

 You can find the answers in the bottom section. Except fr the last one which is part of the opening of This ain’t Fallout XXX (this is a parody).

 Not exactly a classic. In fact, not even by a long shot! And that’s taking into account the notoriously lax standards of your typical porno parody. Standards which are so low they rank just slightly above the “Movies” of Jason Friedberg/Aaron Seltzer and Dinesh D’Souza.

 The parody opens with a monologue about how the world came to an end. Writer Wayne Hentai (not his real name) chooses to tailor the apocalypse to the needs of the parody. Instead of nuclear war like in the game it’s disease and natural disasters that nearly wiped out the human population. I’m not saying that Hentai is prescient but it’s kinda creepy how this was written in 2016.  Survivors went into vaults and hid there for a generation. Now the need to repopulate the planet is the objective of the vault dwellers.

 Which in porn rationale means creampie shots!

 We get an extended sequence in first person view where the main character finds vibrators scattered about the vault. The idea is a cute send up of the item search loop for a lot of video games. But like a lot of “This ain’t Fallout XXX” the fall down happens in execution. The vibe continuously feels like padding instead of playful.

 This feeling of padding becomes even more prevalent during extended scenes of Tyler Nixon, the nameless “protagonist”, wandering around the train yards of downtown LA to slight music. Nixon has one dust up with two raiders, who are played by a pair of production assistants, that if you blinked you’d miss it and just assume he was still walking around filling in time.

 Now this could be a commentary about the travel time experienced in the game but I don’t think so. The game has the understanding that you need to do SOMETHING every once in a while. Tossing a mega- tarentula or whatnot at you every so often.

 Just to be clear I’m not knocking the parody for not having a budget to make things exciting. I’m knocking the parody for not making things exciting. Nixon walks around with a huge bag of vibrators, tries and fails to open roll up doors. Then walks through the regular door right next to it. This happens at least twice. He ducks some chain link fence, goes into another warehouse. Ostensibly he’s looking for the “Viberator Cult” as his mission but it just seems like he’s getting his steps in.

 Two members of this Vibrator cult are Dahlia Sky and Layla Price and they spend a chunk of time cleaning guns in a montage before it finally becomes the girl/girl scene it was always intending to be. Eventually Nixon walks in on them and because the rules of porn engagement are in effect even after the apocalypse, they have a three way. The bags of dildos are stolen by other cult members Kleio Valentien and Ana Foxx and they use some in a girl/girl scene.

 That’s it. Apart from a weird, moderately funny post credit scene between Nixon and Dick Chibbles which goes on a bit too long.

 There is some decent production design. The vault sets have a decent eye for how the game looks. The locations have the virtue of looking, if not post apocalyptic, at least interesting to the eye. The sex scenes vary in intensity and quality. Nixon has no presence but his junk does the job. Only Kleio and Ana’s scene really comes alive. The blue jump suits the guys wear and lack of underwear in the post apocalyptic wasteland leaves little to guess about their religions. But this is porn you’re gonna find out sooner or later anyway.

 I’m not one of the world’s biggest “Fallout” fans so I’m not sure the pacing isn’t deliberate. But the material might’ve been better served if it was pared down a bit for pacing. If they needed a set amount of time for putting it on a DVD they should’ve paired it with another video game porn parody. I’m sure Hustler could’ve knocked off “Grand Theft Auto” or even a “Tetris” send up.

  I feel like because we’re still in our own little apocalypse I should treat you guys to the Maitland Ward Andrea White photo. So here you go!

Welcome ladies.

Wouldn’t you like to be the meat in this sexy yet incongruent sandwich?

 

  THINGS TANGENTIAL TO THE MAIN WORK BUT I COULDN’T”T FIT IN ORGANICALLY!

 I know I said this trilogy was going to be one a month but I got sidetracked! I wrote a novel. It’s in the revision stages right now.

 Andre Madness (not his real name) directed, DP’d, camera operated and edited the production. Auteurism does not carry the same weight or credibility as it does in mainstream media.

When I say DP’d I mean director of photography not double penetration.

Though He’s probably done that too.

 The Apocalypse IP quotes are as follows:

  1. The Road Warrior
  2. Apocalypse Now (not really an apocalypse movie but the word is in the title)
  3. Soylent Green (sorry bout the spoilers)
  4. Dawn of the dead
  5. Akira
  6. Terminator 2
  7. Escape from New York
  8. Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Cyrus
  9. Donald tRump
  10. This ain’t Fallout XXX

 Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are the “Directors” of such crimes against cinema as Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Vampires Suck, Scary Movie and Date Movie. Passing off dated pop culture references as lazy, tepid writing and poorly executed slapstick. The series was notable for how consistently bad each one was, even with funny people in them, and the speed with which the dvds would go to the cut out bin at Best Buy.

 Dinesh D’Souza – The wanna be Goebbels of the Trump administration but without any evidence that he, as a non-white man, thought it through. 

 Dick Chibbles has a scene with a girl named Ziggy Star. She looks cute but the real points come from the stage name.

 If you’re not aware of what “Creampie” means in pron vernacular… do the math. It should be easy to figure out.

 There is a running “Joke” through the parody that the production can’t even be bothered to keep adherence to: a ‘No kissing’ rule due to everyone eating cockroach meat.

 The joke isn’t really funny. It was more of a limping joke TBH.

 It might’ve been put in there because of the massive cold sore male lead Tyler Nixon was rocking at the corner of his mouth.

 The sound guy’s name was Frank Armitage. I’m guessing it was not his real name and even further I’ll say he’s a fan of the movie ‘They Live!”

 Director John Carpenter used that alias for his writing credit on “They Live” for some reason I forgot.

 

NEXT TIME (and sooner, I promise) the third movie in the Apocalypse trilogy!

 

 

 

Anytime Costumes

Leave a Reply

Animation/Anime Interviews Animation/Anime News Animation/Anime Reviews Film/TV Interviews Film/TV News Film/TV Review
Frankie Faison Talks About his Performance in ‘The Killing of Kenneth Chamberlain’

Frankie Faison talks about his performance in the title role in...

Joel McHale Talks About Returning as Johnny Cage in ‘Mortal Kombat Legends’

Joel McHale talks about returning as Johnny Cage in Mortal Kombat...

Catalina Film Festival Founder Ron Truppa Discusses the Return to In Person Festivities

Catalina Film Festival Founder Ron Truppa Discusses the Return to In...

Event News Event Reviews
Fright Fest
Six Flags Magic Mountain Resurrects Fright Fest

Six Flags Magic Mountain resurrects Fright Fest with a line-up promising...

Tudum
Netflix Announces TUDUM, Coming September 25

Netflix invites audiences to TUDUM, their inaugural global fan event coming in...

Rod Roddenberry Wishes is Father, Gene a Happy 100th Birthday

Rod Roddenberry and Roddenberry Entertainment Celebrate the Centennial of Gene Roddenberry...

Enabled Gaming Gaming News Gaming Reviews
YU-GI-OH! MASTER DUEL
Collect over 10,000 cards in Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel

Konami has revealed that Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel will have over 10,000*...

Shredder's Revenge
April O’Neil Joins Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge

April O’Neil joins as a playable character in the upcoming Teenage...

Lady Hellbender Cinematic
Lady Hellbender Cinematic

Check out the Lady Hellbender Cinematic from Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy coming...

Comic Creator Interviews Comic/Graphic Novel News Comic/Graphic Novel Reviews Manga News Manga Reviews Novel/Novella Author Interviews Novel/Novella News Novel/Novella Reviews
Tyler F. Martin Discusses ‘The Antagonists’ Comics and TV Rights

Educator turned Comic Creator, Tyler F. Martin Discusses ‘The Antagonists‘ Comics...

Kel McDonald and Alina Pete Discuss Their Anthology New Graphic Novel

Kel McDonald and Alina Pete Discuss Their New Anthology Graphic Novel,...

Eric Powell and Harold Schechter’s ‘Eddie Gein’ Gets a Second Print

Eric Powell and Harold Schechter’s Did you Hear what Eddie Gein...

Apparel/Personal Maintenance News Apparel/Personal Maintenance Reviews Entertainment Product News Entertainment Product Reviews Food/Beverage Reviews Hardware News Hardware Reviews Mystery Box News Mystery Box Reviews
Loot Crate DOOM Capsule Collection

It is time to Raze Hell and celebrate all things DOOM...

David Lucatch and Gary Schaeffer Revitalize ‘The Outer Space Men’

David Lucatch and Gary Schaeffer Revitalize The Outer Space Men for...

DIM MAK x Snake Eyes
DIM MAK x SNAKE EYES Collab

Paramount Pictures and Hasbro Team Up with Steve Aoki’s Dim Mak...

Automotives Football MMA, Kick Boxing & Boxing Professional Wrestling
Daniel Cormier Wrestling Academy to Host W2W Season This Fall

Press Release from W2W – Former UFC Heavyweight/ Light Heavyweight Champion...

Al Smith Talks About the Revival of the ABA

Vice President of Western Region Operations of American Basketball Association Al...

LFC Prospect T’Bella Madisyn is Ready to Put the Hurt on the Competition

LFC Prospect, Fitness Model and Professional Wrestler, T’Bella Madisyn is Ready...

Adult Continuity Comics on the Can Cultural Junk Drawer Future Comic Rock Stars Is That Racist? Revisiting the Reviled THAT'S NOT ROTTEN! The B-Reel The Cantina Scene This Week in Crowdfunding What the HELL Did I just...?
Harry Potter and the Return to the Chamber of Secrets: Eat Dobby pt 2

Ron takes Dobby up on his offer to eat him. Hilarity...

Fantoy Comics Presents: Harry Potter and the Return to the Chamber of Secrets: Eat Dobby!

Dobby offers to be eaten. Hilarity ensues!

Adult Continuity – This Ain’t The Smurfs XXX This s a parody!

If you, as a male, didn’t have some sort of “awakening”...

Gaming Uncensored Toon-In-Talk
Episode 38: Hamid Rahmanian

Join Whitney Grace as she speaks with artist Hamid Rahmanian, who...

No Preview
Toon-In Talk Episode 37: Niki Smith

Whitney Grace interviews graphic novel writer and artist Niki Smith about...

Toon-In Talk Episode 36: Rob Paulsen

Rob Paulsen takes some time from his busy voice acting schedule...

Music Interviews Music News Music Reviews
Max Beckman of Half Past Two Talks About Opening up the Festivities at the Brew Ska Ska

Max Beckman of Half Past Two talk about opening up the...

Mike Berault of Bite Me Bambi Talks Music and the Brew Ska Ska

Mike Berault keyboard player of Bite Me Bambi talks music, performing...

Mortal Kombat Sound Track
Mortal Kombat Sound Track Available April 16

The Mortal Kombat Sound Track will be available April 16, 2021 on Watertower...