What the Hell Did I Just Watch: John Landis’ Deer Woman

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My brain hurts. The chief reason for this was inflicting myself with the Masters of Horror movie Deer Woman. Deer Woman 2Masters of Horror was a 2005-2007 television series that featured famous Horror directors creating short films. Directors such as John Carpenter and writers like Clive Barker showed off their horror talents in hour long segments that were often incredibly good, or abysmally bad. One of the short films that bridges the gap between the two is entitled Deer Woman.

Deer Woman, directed by John Landis (Twilight Zone Movie), is the story of Detective Dwight Farraday (Brian Benben), a disgraced cop with nothing left to lose. True to the stereotype he’s been dropped to the animal attacks beat and even his wife has left him. When he receives a call to check out what appears to be a deer attack, Farraday comes face to face with something he can’t explain. After speaking with a saucy and highly-pierced medical examiner (Sonja Bennet), Farraday works to come up with a theory about the death of a man that involves broken male genitals and hoof prints. The deaths don’t stop with one, and soon Farraday is working with his partner, Officer Jacob Reed (Anthony Griffith), to try and uncover the identity of the killer. What they don’t see is the mysterious and incredibly sexy Deer Woman ( Cinthia Moura), who is on the prowl and Officer Reed is next on her list.

If you don’t find Cinthia Moura attractive, don’t worry the cast will emphasize verbally at least ten times that she is attractive and evidently worth being hoof stomped for.  It is notable that she would also go on to do absolutely nothing as far as acting. This would be more believable if she had any lines whatsoever in the film. The Deer Woman does not speak, but somehow managed to get guys to buy her drinks, take her to bed, and then stomp them in the face silently. When the “hypothetical” killer has more lines than you’re main character, that’s the sign of a truly…special film. There are several characters who randomly appear, like a body delivery man and an agent named Detective Fukes who literally do nothing of importance and seem to just hang out to just be there.

The film is also filled with terrible one liners that are impossible to take seriously. “Shut up Fukes” tends to appear consistently thought out the film, whenever Fukes makes a point. “Its people like you that make America great” and “have you checked her feet” are now something that a fellow writer and I shout at each other while contemplating our next Deer Woman-esque move.

It may sound like I hated this movie.; the opposite is true. I immediately bought the movie from Amazon and now feel the need to inflict it upon as many people as possible, like some sort of Ringyu curse upon my friends and enemies.  I can’t recommend this movie more for people who like to sit through films like Sharknado or Birdemic. John Landis may have accidentally made one of my favorite movies.

YogaOutlet.com

One Response

  1. Nate April 16, 2018 Reply

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