Comics On The Can – Salvation Run (#6 of 7)

SalvationSALVATION RUN #6 (OF 7)

Writer – Matthew Sturges

Pencils – Sean Chen

Inks – Walden Wong

Another entry in my rambling, editor unaware, multi-column theme conceit. This time around it’s the “Vs” theme. Check out my first entry “Batman V Superman XXX” in my Adult Continuity column.

Comics on the can is a scenario where I grab the top comic from a box I got several years ago and read it while pooping (peeing is optional). Then I pass on my thoughts and feeling about it to you, the loyal reader who apparently isn’t so bothered by over sharing.

Joker V Lex Luthor?

These late winter, early spring months have been leaning hard on the INSERT SUPERHERO V INSERT OTHER SUPERHERO motif. This makes sense as a natural extension of the place superhero and/or comic book movies now occupy in the zeitgeist. Why? I’ll leave that to my next Cultural Junkdrawer. Anyway You may have heard of a small, limited release art film called Batman V Superman: Dawn of justice:Die Harder: The Spawning 7 and you know Captain America: Civil War: Avengers 2.5 will be grabbing your hard earned scratch soon. Not to mention Daredevil V Punisher, Justice League V Teen Titans, Ted Cruz V wanting to punch Ted Cruz in his smug looking cakehole and Supergirl v Flash. I put a small ‘v’ for Supergirl v Flash because they don’t fight they just have a race, make cute eyes at each other and eat ice cream.

Superhero fights are part and parcel in the comic book world; everyone wants to flex nuts especially when you get punched through walls for kicks. The old school team-ups even follow a particular pattern: Heroes meet – either through the teamed up villains mechanization or simply super powered folk’s tendency to punch first, ask questions later – A fight ensues. This is pure fan service by the way; a reference point to be set when the school yard or Magic: The Gathering: You spent $35 on a trading card soda and pizza break debate breaks out. So the heroes slug it out then realize “You refrained from hitting me with that bus filled with people… Hey, you’re a Hero!”

“You are too!, I’m sorry. I’m upset because my arch nemesis is hanging out with some new guy. I saw them at Menchies.”

“Did this new guy have, like, metal octopus type arms coming outta his back?”

“In fact he did.”

“That’s MY arch nemesis! Let’s go get those fuckers!”

I’m paraphrasing, of course.

The villains teaming up was always a bit more entertaining. They don’t give a wet magic lasso about busloads of innocent people and, presumably, they aren’t bothered by killing. So even though you know Lex Luthor won’t kill Doctor Octopus it COULD happen. This makes super villain “getting to know you fights” pretty brief…

“Your robot arms are impressive. I look forward to using them in my next plan to defeat Superman!”

“Superman! Guy sounds like a tool to me.”

“You got no idea.”

“Spider-Man is my enemy. Some punk kid who hops around every time we fight.”

“Ugh, sounds like a pain in the ass. I bet he quips.”

“Never shuts up.”

“I’m jealous. Superman’s humor is so stale, I could use a good laugh… You know Menchies’ now has dole pineapple whip!”

“Serious! I’ll find the nearest one on Yelp!”

I’m paraphrasing, of course.

It’s odd, though, that the bad guys are quicker to put their personal bullshit aside in favor of defeating their enemies. One would think that the myopia that characterizes your average villain would cause more problems than solutions.

That’s what Salvation Run is all about.

Amanda Waller uses the Suicide Squad to round up all the villains of the DC universe. Presumably Waller has a comprehensive DC pull list at her local comic store because dudes like Flash’s Rogues gallery, former President Lex Luthor and “so old and powerful he makes Dick Cheney look like an amature” Vandal Savage have been bagged along with second stringers like Hyena and Crazy Quilt (da fuq?). The whole motley bunch are then tossed onto a primitive planet via Boom Tube and left to fend for themselves.

Focusing on the bad guys when they have to worry about some giant mobile fanged plant trying to eat them is a great idea. These cats already have social grooming problems as it is; take away the rules and raise the stakes and watch the sparks fly.

I’ve read issue six and it seems like an ass-load of sparks have flown already. The two strongest personalities; Lex and Joker have assumed leadership of two factions consisting of the majority of the exiles (Vandal Savage has his own little evil manipulative Charlie’s Angels thing going on elsewhere). Management styles couldn’t be more different for the alpha males of the rogues gallery. To put it in Dungeons And Dragons: 2nd edition terms Lex is lawful evil and Joker pushes the boundaries of the chaotic evil envelope. Lex wants to hold things together and get off the prison planet… under his superior leadership, naturally. Joker… well, I think you can figure out where the Joker stands with the whole authority figure and maintaining order bit. To ratchet up the tension they bad guys have captured Martian Manhunter and Lex (that big meanie) has forbade Killer Croc from eating him. When two of the exiles are caught giving some food to Manhunter and Luthor denies Croc another snack, shit really hits the fan. Joker pushes the tension till it breaks, ok… he bitch slaps Luthor… then Lex and the clown prince of crime go at one another real savage like.

Fights can inform character just like any other actions and this fight is no exception. Luthor is sick of Joker’s shit; a lot of anger and frustration come out in Lex’s assault. This may not seem congruent with Lex’s character but for a cat that thinks he has all the answers and very little challenge to his authority, dealing with the Joker would be a particular type of irritant. Herding criminal knuckleheads into working together while the local flora and fauna are trying to food you must be hard enough. Add in a smart-ass psychopath who cultivates chaos pulling at the threads and even someone as calmly sociopathic as Luthor will eventually snap. As for the Joker pushing Luthor to this point it is the foundation of his philosophy; he’s thrilled to make someone want to kill him. He’s enjoying the shit outta Lex becoming unhinged. Proves the Joker’s point. He likes it even more because Lex can’t match his ferocity or entirely lose himself in the blood lust.

Short answer – Joker wins the fight. But as he’s about to jam his knife into Luthor’s skull boom tubes open and a swarm of Parademons attack!

Salvation Run is a great idea even if you have to suspend a large amount of disbelief to get to where the story sets up. Waller’s black ops shenanigans aside folks like Luthor and Savage wield a lot of influence and political power. Someone like Mirror Master might not be missed but those two guys would be. Having these characters smash against one another, figuratively and literally, is great juicy fun. I’ve always felt that the villains, when done well, are way more interesting than the heroes. Sticking them in a hothouse scenario where life is on the line only intensifies the interest. To draw from Heat Wave’s opening monologue “Why? To watch it burn, no other reason.”

I get how he feels.

THINGS TANGENTIALLY RELATED TO THE COLUMN THAT I COULDN’T FIT IN ORGANICALLY

I cheated a bit from my rules; Salvation Run wasn’t the next book in the box. But seeing Joker and Luthor at each other’s throats was too serendipitous for my high concept theme crap to pass up.

According to the Wikipedia entry Salvation Run was based on a pitch from George R. R. Martin. Naturally DC Editors avoided the presumed rape scenes, the lesbian three way between Catwoman, Scandal Savage and Cheetah, killing Joker, Lex, Martian Manhunter, Captain Cold, Man Bat… pretty much the wholesale slaughter of the DC villains gallery, Gorilla Grod sodomizing Weather Wizard to death and a mysterious character that only says “jimminy jillikers” in the original pitch.

Yes, it’s true; Menchies’ does really have Dole pineapple whip. I’ve had it twice already this week!

I keep picturing myself stealing Ted Cruz’s favorite baseball cap and holding it over my head as he struggles to grab it… Is this wrong?

I have no idea who Crazy Quilt is but they should’ve thought the name thing through a bit more. Just sayin.

This book has Captain Cold, Heat Wave and Vandal Savage in it. Legends of Tomorrow has brought these characters a long way into the mainstream.

Same goes for Deadshot and Killer Croc in Suicide Squad.

If the DC cinematic universe Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) was part of this line up Killer Croc would’ve eaten him first.

NEXT: I’ve bent my rules again and picked up the Civil War GN for obvious reasons.

LATER: Looks like another Ultimate X-Men title.

Shop Deadpool tees in our officially licensed Marvel store!

Leave a Reply

Animation/Anime Interviews Animation/Anime News Animation/Anime Reviews Film/TV Interviews Film/TV News Film/TV Review
The Last Word
‘The Last Word’ Undermines Shirley MacLaine’s Performance With a Woefully Predictable Script

There’s a subgenre of movies where an aging movie star takes...

Decanted. A Winemaker's Journey
‘Decanted. A Winemaker’s Journey’ is Dry, Lacking Flavor

Everyone loves wine. Hell, even Jesus loved wine and his affection...

ONE-PUNCH MAN Home
VIZ Media Announces Pre-Orders For ONE-PUNCH MAN Home Media Debut

VIZ Media, LLC (VIZ Media), a premier company in the fields...

Enabled Gaming Gaming News Gaming Reviews
Bulletstorm Full Clip Edition Story Trailer
Brand New Bulletstorm Full Clip Edition Story Trailer

Gearbox Publishing drops the brand new action-packed Bulletstorm Full Clip Edition Story...

Shadow of War
Middle-earth: Shadow of War Officially Announced!

It is official, Middle-earth: Shadow of War is coming out August of...

New PS4/VR game, DYING: Reborn releases Feb.28

 On February 28, Chinese publisher Oasis Games Ltd. will release their...

Comic Creator Interviews Comic/Graphic Novel News Comic/Graphic Novel Reviews Manga News Manga Reviews Novel/Novella Author Interviews Novel/Novella News Novel/Novella Reviews
Twilight Princess Manga
VIZ Media Expands Zelda Franchise with Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess Manga Series

VIZ Media announces the debut of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess manga...

Boston Metaphysical Society Kickstarter Is Building Up Steam

If you haven’t checked out Boston Metaphysical Society yet, you definitely...

‘Inkspirations’ is a Parasitic Art Book Selling Spirituality

I really should read my e-mails more carefully. If I had...

Apparel/Personal Maintenance News Apparel/Personal Maintenance Reviews Entertainment Product News Entertainment Product Reviews Food/Beverage Reviews Hardware News Hardware Reviews Mystery Box News Mystery Box Reviews
March WWE Slam Crate
March WWE Slam Crate will bring a WWE Hall of Famer to the Crate Ring!

The March WWE Slam Crate is themed ‘ Masters of the Mic”...

Tamashii Nations and Bluefin Expand the Market for Awesome Stuff Across North America

Tamashii Nations and Bluefin expand the market for high-quality Japanese collectibles...

LootCrate Jan 2017 Box is Super!

LootCrate starts out the new year with a bang. This is...

Arena Football Automotives MMA, Kick Boxing & Boxing Professional Wrestling
Patricky Pitbull Talks about Bellator 172

Patricky “Pitbull” Freire (16-8) who, with his brother Patricio, have become...

Bellator Returns to Torino Italy on April 8 With MMA & Kickboxing

From Bellator Kickboxing – TORINO (Feb. 7, 2017) – Bellator President...

WCA Goes International as Canada takes on South Africa

World Combat Arena (WCA) based in Montreal, Quebec, Canada will be...

Adult Continuity Comics on the Can Cultural Junk Drawer Future Comic Rock Stars Is That Racist? Revisiting the Reviled THAT'S NOT ROTTEN! The B-Reel The Cantina Scene This Week in Crowdfunding What the HELL Did I just...?
Best Picture Nominees Ranked
2017 Oscars Preview: The Best Picture Nominees, Ranked

It’s that time of year again where Hollywood gathers and pats...

2017 Acting Oscars
2017 Oscars Preview: The Acting Nominees

Acting. Pretty people pretending to be ugly. Talented people pretending to...

2017 Oscars Preview
2017 Oscars Preview: Director, Editing, Cinematography, and More

With the Oscars coming up this Sunday, it’s time to examine...

Event News Event Reviews
Rock Icons Queen and Adam Lambert Return for a 2017 North American Tour

NEW YORK, Jan. 26, 2017 /PRNewswire/ — Back by popular demand, Queen...

Third Eye Blind Celebrates 20th Anniversary with Summer Gods Tour

SAN FRANCISCO, Jan. 23, 2017 /PRNewswire/ — In recognition to their fans...

Santa Makes Phone Calls in Time for Christmas

NORTH POLE, Alaska, Dec. 20, 2016 /PRNewswire/ — With just days to...

Gaming Uncensored Growing Up Geek The Popcorn Podcast Toon-In-Talk
Popcorn Podcast Episode 102: Six Degrees of Poopsock

This week on the Popcorn Podcast Chad and Izola are joined...

Growing up Geek Episode 34: Chad and Mike’s Dick Joke Podcast

Jaime, Mike and Chad get together for a few drinks and...

Popcorn Podcast Episode 101: House of Blues Anaheim

Recently Chad got a chance to tour the impressive, and still...

Music Interviews Music News Music Reviews
Lebanese Englishwoman, Nadine Khouri Lulls you with ‘The Salted Air’

There is something fitting about a woman who’s last name translates...

Stan Lee’s LA Comic Con: Interview w/ Sonya Belousova

At last month’s Stan Lee’s LA Comic Con event, I had...

Mike Hill Bass Lives for ‘Love and War’

Love and War is a pop rock collaborative project that is...