Steven Seagal Sleepwalks Through ‘Cartels’

VANAPHASE™ the Vanadium powerhouse!

Cartels

Amazingly, there are some people still willing to pay Steven Seagal to appear in movies. Despite whatever payment the faded action star receives, he certainly can’t be bothered to put forth the slightest bit of effort into any piece of schlock that he’s filming in some former member of the Soviet bloc. The latest piece of lacking effort to star Seagal is Cartels, a rather generic action flick from director Keoni Waxman, a frequent collaborator of Seagal’s, who according to IMDb directed him in three separate movies last year. Cartels is an action flick that operates by-the-numbers, establishing its simple scenario before introducing a couple twists and turns before an excessively long shootout resolves everything.

Cartels tries to be clever in the way its story unfolds with John Harrison (Seagal) interrogating Maj. Tom Jensen (Luke Goss) about the botched attempt to protect a valuable witness for the DEA. Joseph ‘El Tiburon’ Salazar (Florin Piersic, Jr.), a Russian drug kingpin with a Latino name, is believed to be killed during a raid, but the drug lord’s death was staged as Salazar is about to go into hiding and turn as a witness for the DEA. Jensen tells his story to the visibly disinterested Seagal, who spends most of the movie sitting at a table with his arms crossed. Bascially, at the hotel where Salazar was being kept, a group of hitmen led by Bruno Sinclaire (Georges St-Pierre) raid the hotel in an attempt to eliminate Salazar. It all seems too easy for the armed villains to sift out the location of the perceived dead Salazar, leading Tom Jensen to wonder just who on his side isn’t compromised, trust only Skony (Darren E. Scott) and Amanda Chavez (Martine Argent).

It’s not difficult to figure out who are the duplicitous characters in this low budget piece of action schlock. The script by Waxman and Richard Beattie doesn’t have much wit to expend, often allowing Seagal to vent his frustration with a series of awkwardly delivered F-bombs. To his credit, though, Waxman does stage some decent moments of action in the shootout. We’re not dealing with the heir apparent to John Woo here, but a few of the sequences are rather effective for what they aim to achieve. Plenty of anonymous bad guys get hit with automatic gunfire and CGI blood spurts from their wounds. It’s enough to entertain a non-discerning action fan for about 90 minutes.

Then comes the big showdown between Georges St-Pierre and Steven Seagal, and it might be one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. St-Pierre is an MMA fighter who has kept himself in shape; those unaware of his MMA exploits will remember him battling Captain America in The Winter Soldier. The edited and camera angles required to make it look as if a pudgy Steven Seagal can hold his own against a fast, ripped Georges St. Pierre all but ruin the suspension of disbelief, and the fight concludes with such an absurdly underwhelming whimper it’s impossible not to laugh at the incredulous scenario.

Cartels is a disposable action movie made on the cheap with a star who is so faded that he can barely be bothered to annunciate. The effort that surrounds Seagal’s indifference only highlights just how little he cares about his work. Let’s face it, Steven Seagal would rather pal around with murderous dictators or star in stupid reality shows for a racist sheriff. There are always going to be tons of low budget, forgettable action movies made in Eastern Europe, but at least they should give the leading role to someone who’s actually interested in giving just least bit of effort. Cartels isn’t a good movie but most of its cast and crew put forth a bit of effort in making something with a few moments of action. Meanwhile, Steven Seagal sits on the sidelines bloated and half awake.

YogaOutlet.com

Leave a Reply

Animation/Anime Interviews Animation/Anime News Animation/Anime Reviews Film/TV Interviews Film/TV News Film/TV Review
Generation Wealth
‘Generation Wealth’ is a Disjointed Diagnosis of a Societal Sickness

Over the past 30-plus years, income inequality has skyrocketed – the...

The Good Place Season 2
Holy Forking Shirtballs! ‘The Good Place’ Season 2 is Now on DVD

After concluding its inaugural season with one of the most shocking...

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Trailer
The Wizarding World Expands Further in the ‘Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald’ Trailer

You can’t blame Warner Brothers for wanting to keep the Harry...

Event News Event Reviews
Blizzard SDCC 2018
Blizzard SDCC 2018 – Blizzard Entertainment Brings Massive Lineup to SDCC

Blizzard in SDCC 2018 – Blizzard Entertainment brings Overwatch, StarCraft, and...

Nuclear Blast SDCC 2018
Nuclear Blast SDCC 2018 – Nuclear Blast Teams Up with JSR and Stern Pinball

Nuclear Blast SDCC 2018 – Nuclear Blast Teams Up with JSR...

Anime expo 2018
Anime Expo 2018 Brings the Heat to Los Angeles

Last year, I picked on Anime Expo not being worth the...

Enabled Gaming Gaming News Gaming Reviews
klab
Exclusive Interview with Mark Mowbray of KLab

Established in 2000, KLab‘s goal is to create a world of excitement...

Jurassic Park: The Chaos Gene
Mondo Games Unleashes Jurassic Park: The Chaos Gene Board Game

MONDO GAMES unleashes Jurassic Park: The Chaos Gene board game for 25th Anniversary...

Great Coffee Break
Escape Work By Playing The Great Coffee Break

You can escape work, in more ways than one, by playing The...

Comic Creator Interviews Comic/Graphic Novel News Comic/Graphic Novel Reviews Manga News Manga Reviews Novel/Novella Author Interviews Novel/Novella News Novel/Novella Reviews
Ralph Breaks the Internet Graphic Novel
Dark Horse Disney Ralph Breaks the Internet Graphic Novel Revealed

Dark Horse reveals new original Disney Ralph Breaks the Internet Graphic...

black torch
Black Torch – New Supernatural, Action Manga from Viz Media

VIZ Media releases a new, supernatural story with the release of...

Batman / The Maxx: Arkham Dreams
Sam Kieth Makes Long-Awaited Return to The Outback in Batman / The Maxx: Arkham Dreams

SAN DIEGO, CA and BURBANK, CA (June 21, 2018) – Batman...

Apparel/Personal Maintenance News Apparel/Personal Maintenance Reviews Entertainment Product News Entertainment Product Reviews Food/Beverage Reviews Hardware News Hardware Reviews Mystery Box News Mystery Box Reviews
anime pls
Anime Pls by Bioworld – Exclusive Interview

Bioworld Merchandising is a pop culture product expert. The company is considered...

heaven's feel
Fate/stay night [Heaven’s Feel] THE MOVIE I. presage flower Blu-ray Release

TLDR Aniplex of America announced that box office hit, Fate/stay night ...

EVEN H2
Few Even Come Close – EVEN H2 Headphones Review

Even headphones are like having prescription glasses, but for your ears...

Arena Football Automotives MMA, Kick Boxing & Boxing Professional Wrestling
NJPW G1 Special from San Francisco Results

New Japan Pro Wrestling (NJPW) the King of Sports returns to...

Jeanie Buss & MGM TV Tags AXS TV to Broadcast WOW-Women of Wrestling Events

Jeanie Buss and MGM Television Tags AXS TV to Broadcast WOW-Women...

Kevin Belington Faces Martin Nguyen for the ONE FC Interim Bantamweight Title

From ONE FC – 07 June 2018 – Manila, Philippines: The...

Adult Continuity Comics on the Can Cultural Junk Drawer Future Comic Rock Stars Is That Racist? Revisiting the Reviled THAT'S NOT ROTTEN! The B-Reel The Cantina Scene This Week in Crowdfunding What the HELL Did I just...?
Harlan Ellison: A tribute (of sorts)

For the longest time in my life I was afraid of...

Iron Fist Racist
Is Marvel Iron Fist Racist? Part 2- Yeah…

After the casting controversy, two shows, and a guest appearance in Marvel...

Cultural Junkdrawer – Season’s end: The Flash season 4

CULTURAL JUNKDRAWER   SEASON’S END     THE FLASH Season 4...

Gaming Uncensored Toon-In-Talk
Gaming Uncensored: Year in Review 2016

A look back at the year in gaming. Related

Gaming Uncensored Roundtable: December 2016

December’s roundtable discusses story in games with Chad, Josh, and Spencer....

Gaming Uncensored: Podcast #349

Jamie reflects on some of his time with the HTC Vive....

Music Interviews Music News Music Reviews
Crisis on Earth-X Soundtrack
Blake Neely Behind-the-Scenes Recording of Crisis on Earth-X Soundtrack

Check out this exclusive Behind-The-Scenes video with Blake Neely as he...

Rising Country Music Artist Kaylin Roberson Talks About her work with St. Jude

Kaylin Roberson is a singer, songwriter and pianist from Raleigh, North...

MTV Unveils Performers for ‘TRL Live’ on October 3rd at 3 p.m. E.T.

NEW YORK, NY (September 26, 2017) – MTV today announced that...

%d bloggers like this: