by Tony James
Angus Oblong was born a poor black child in Mississippi…no wait, that was Steve Martin as, “Navin” in The Jerk.
Angus Oblong was born a prince in the nation of Zamunda who moved to New York City to find a queen…no wait, that was Eddie Murphy as, “Prince Akeem” in Coming to America.
Angus Oblong was born a hairless baby who, had puberty hit him too hard in high school where he was able to transform into a werewolf at will and became really good at basketball…no wait, that was Michael J. Fox as, “Scott Howard” in Teen Wolf.
Angus Oblong was born in the future and traveled back in time to impregnate his best friend’s mother to save humanity…no wait, that was Michael Biehn as, “Kyle Reese” in The Terminator.
Angus Oblong is the son of a Russian immigrant pig farmer and a Black Irish mother, whose legal name is really Boris O’Brien. He took his mother’s maiden name for Halal purposes as he dabbled in Sufism from the age of three until the age of 27, when he converted to Pastafarianism, adheres to a low carb diet out of respect for the his god, the Giant Spaghetti Monster.
Sigh, who the hell is Angus Oblong?
If you visit Oblong’s official website, it will reveal a completely different upbringing; claiming he was born in 1863 and is the product of conjoined twins (one of which is black, which we now know was his mother), while having inferior siblings as well as a pet parakeet, “Mister Squeaky Fuck.” They ventured throughout North America with Goldsmith’s Traveling Sideshow and Circus entertaining the easily amused and those willing to part with three cents of their hard earned money.
Unfortunately, Oblong lost his father during the risky separation surgery and in daddy’s blood, signed a contract with the devil to become the greatest, obscure artist in the history of demented children’s books!!!
“<giggling> I kind of don’t work. I do freelance writing and illustrating. I’m set…yeah, I’m good,” said Oblong while adjusting his nose.
Oblong’s life took a drastic change after the passing of his father when he learned how to read. He began is literary journeys with the Dick and Jane books, stalling with the difficulties of the reading level with Clifford the Big Red Dog, Oblong returned to Dick and Jane but wanted to have the stories reflect on his time with Goldsmith’s circus.
“I wrote the Creepy Susie book and thought, ‘How can I really fuck with the fans? Ah, I know!’” said Oblong, who never revealed how he intends to do so.
As publishing began in 2000, with Creepy Susie, Rosie’s Crazy Mother, Inbred Harvey and a few others Oblong met actor/writer Will Ferrell. Following a wild night of what Oblong claims contained, “me preforming a lot of fellatio,” Ferrell agreed to voice “Bob Oblong” in the animated series, The Oblongs.
“Once the show came out, the press hounded me about my family and personal life – kind of like what you’re doing now. I lied to them/you about everything. That’s why I wear the make up. I’m like KISS only intentionally funny,” smirked Oblong under the clown make-up.
The self-taught artist and UC Berkeley alumnus, is currently working on two novels. The first, Victorian Hotel is based on a play he wrote in 2006 that had an 8-week run in Los Angeles.
“I didn’t star in it. I can drop my pants at a party but on stage and I get shy,” chuckled Oblong as he adjusted his belt.
The second is Creaky Heights, which was originally pitched as an animated series that did not go to production.
“It was too brilliant an idea not to turn into a novel,” said Oblong as he adjusted his ruby red, polka dot tie.
So who the hell is Angus Oblong?
He’s an illustrator, a writer, a series producer, an artist, an enigma. Call him anything you want, come up with any story you like. The legend will grow, it will fester and at the end of the day, Angus Oblong is still a talented, humorous creator, who is riding his golden unicorn all the way to the pawn shop.
Visit Angus Oblong at www.angusoblong.com
Follow Angus Oblong on Twitter @angusoblong
Like Angus Oblong on Facebook at Angus Oblong